The Terrible Challenge of...Rabbits

Recently the rabbits in my backyard have challenged me to a duel, which I politely and firmly refused. After all, rabbits are some of the most dangerous beings that walk...er, hop, on this earth. They insulted me, but I am no King Eärnil... but these are worse than any Ringwraith.

"You'd be surprised at how many [people] die from mad rabbits these days" ~Angela the Herbalist in Brisingr by Christopher Paolini. (may be slightly paraphrased)

To quote various SPAM pop-up windows, "THIS IS NOT A JOKE", only, you aren't the 1,000,000,000th visitor to this site; you are about to be WARNED.

There are various kinds of killer rabbits.
-The 'Hoppers'--these are the kinds you often find in your backyard. Dangerous--run on sight. Or find a killer Chihuahua.
-The Alice Rabbits--only slightly dangerous. They may throw glass at you, or hit you with a book.
-The Monty Python Rabbits--if you see one of these, you're dead already. If you hear a rumor that one is nearby, move to Mexico.

In fact, it is probably best to live on a houseboat--but you must look out for killer rabbitfish.

However, if you wish to be extremely stupidly brave, here are some ways and weaknesses around killer rabbits.


1)
Watch out for their teeth and talons


Two of their weapons most deadly are the teeth and the talons. If they get close enough, they'll spring at you and gash you until you fall to the ground...and then...Never mind.

2)
Don't let them...

...lull you into a sense that they aren't dangerous...'cause they're so CUTE! Aww.... Oh, yeah. Back to topic.

3)
Their Most Deadly Weapon...

...is their breath. Men call it the Breath of Death (how poetic!), while deer call it the Carnivorous Vapors of Doom, and dogs call it the Dangerousbreathlikepoisonthatwillkillyou. Me, however? I call it... rabbit breath.


So you're trying to 'slay the rabbit'? Forget about it, and go home. Write a blog post or something... just stay away from rabbits.

--
Jake