Why Everything is Random...Or Not

NOTE; I owe the inspiration of this post to Squeaks's RANDOMNESS RULES! post. Thanks, Squeaks!

There are five reasons why everything is random--after all, lists are the BOMB when it comes to conducting a polite debate--though they are not the nuke, though I haven't the slightest idea WHY they aren't a nuke. I don't even know what the nuke is--not the nuke itself, but what the nuke IS--that is, in the same way something's the BOMB, something else is the NUKE--though I don't know what it is.

1) Most people claim nothing is random--I'll explain this later, if I get to a later. But after all, what is a later? It would come sooner if it wasn't a later, and what most people call a later never comes, so technically it's a 'never'. But I'll get to this sooner, so I'll get to it eventually, which, despite what anyone says, is NOT synonous to 'later'. It's sometime, not never. If it were never, it wouldn't exist, and it WILL exist--eventually.

2) Thousand Foot Krutch is an awesome band. Why is this saying everything is random? I'll tell you--no waiting until later... er, sooner.

By saying TFK is awesome, I am being random, therefore enforcing my idea that everything is random. After all, TFK IS awesome (and I could say that anytime), and saying it anytime I wish is what most people call 'random'. What's that you say? What do you mean that doesn't prove everything is random? I guess I'll have to go on to the next point, then....

3) Randomness is random... just because. Also, turkeys. Er, make that chickens. No, change it all to mashed potatoes with Cheez-Its on top.

4) Insults are random. Proved. If someone calls you a cakesniffer (bonus points to the one who can guess what book that's from!), you may reply "Drink nibbler!" which, of course, by the Rules of Randomness (I haven't the slightest idea what they are--they're kind of like the 'invisible line' concept), is completely, absolutely, and undoubtedly Random.

5) My strongest point; Everything is random. You see, everything is random. You may say, "That's preposterous!" but I insist.

Take, for example, the greeting 'hello'. You go up to someone, perhaps someone you know, perhaps you don't, or perhaps a rabbit with a white tie and holding a cup of green spice tea that hasn't been brewed yet, and say, "Hello." Depending on the instance, you may even introduce yourself. But isn't that random? Think about it for a moment, will you. When you say hello, you are, in fact, being random. And that's how most conversations start!

But say you are on the recieving end. Perhaps you are relative, a stranger, or perhaps you are a rabbit with a white tie holding a cup of green spice tea that hasn't been brewed yet, and the person comes to you and says hello. By saying something back like, "Hello," or "How do you do?" or running like a rabbit (for everyone knows that rabbits cannot talk--unless, of course, rabbits CAN talk--and even if they do, there's a good chance they'll run anyway instead of striking up a sociable conversation), you are continuing the random thing, therefore making it a random thread, instead of random thing. Unless, of course, you believe that threads aren't random--but if it's a random thread, then it MUST be random, and since, using the reasoning I said earlier, all threads are random, then that means you must be wrong.


But wait... Turkeys are not random! Since they are usually associated with Randomness, they cannot be random! This makes my reasoning null and void! Everything cannot be random now since TURKEYS ARE NOT RANDOM! Awwwww....

Show's over, folks. Go back to bed, back to a different blog, back to home, or back to your rabbit hole--which ever you prefer. Just don't fall down your rabbit hole, or you may end up in Wonderland.

--
Jake